A Glourious Monday

Today is Monday!!! And what a wonderful Monday it is!!!! I got up to take a test which i hope i didn't fail! i haven't gotten the results back so i am praying i got at least a 75% To keep my  test scores up i got too!!!! I am praying to pass block two! Then i went to go to  clean my mom house which she is having a hard time keeping up on!!! Then i went to institute (yay for being spiritual) then i got lunch and went to see grandma and i was watching tv then i was suppose to go to the gym! But i actually fell asleep watching tv lol !!! Oh well i will try again tomorrow. I am going off sodas again too!!!! I made it like a week and a half then i had a really rough time last week cause i had so much i had to do!!!! Institute was so good today! We were talking about  agency! We were reminded that with  every choice there is a consequence and  we mostly forget that there will always be a consequence to everything we do. But we also forget that even if we choose a bad choice we can always come back. I think that whats keeping me sane and with so much hope!!! Well goodnight from the life of an oldest child!!!

Missionaries!!

Chip on the left Adam on the Right!

These are two of my favorite boys!!!! Chip was set apart as a missionary today!!! It was awesome! He is gonna be such a good missionary! And we hope that Adam will join him here soon! Chip is going to the Eugene Oregon mission! Its gonna be rainy up there!! I just love missionaries! I love writing them letters! I am currently writing three missionaries!!! And i will be writing one more here shortly!!! I love it!!!! I actually think that i get more excited getting letters than the missionaries do!!!!  They always make my day!!! But today is Sunday and i will tell you about my day!!!! Other than  i went to chips farewell!!!  Today was pretty boring!!! I have been trying to study for my test tomorrow!!!!Its been kinda unsuccessful i have been reading and i am hoping to just pass this test!!! But my house that i spent all day on Thursday cleaning it!!! It drives me crazy!!! This is so crazy! My house is just mad chaos!!!! I hate it but what do we do i am just gonna suffer through it! Then i will  get to live with my grandma and i will have to worry about school and work(cause apparently i have to get a job) I can't really wait to move in with my grandma! It will be fun!!Cause me and my grandma will be going to classes together to work on a quilt that i am so excited for!!! Well i think that all i am gonna post tonight!!! Goodnight world!! sleep well

Oh the joys of college!

So i am back!!! What to talk about this time!!! Well i could talk about how crazy life is and how school is kicking my butt! I love my school it is so interesting!!! I love the human body!!! It is so fascinating!! This semester has been super super hard!!!! I loved first block!!! It was a lot of fun the teacher knew what she is talking about! This semester is  the teacher is not so good and and i feel like i am not learning anything and i can't help but not feel like i am not gonna pass cause the teacher can't teach us anything!!!!!! And i truly hate concept maps i am gonna find another way to do it with out so much drama!!! There has to be a better way to show that we know how to use our critical thinking!!!! I love my friends they are the only thing that  keep me sane in this crazy world that i am living in right now!!! I really like college it is a lot fun!!! But for some reason this semester school is really trying me i just have not desire to fight for it!!! I really want to be a nurse but its super hard when the teacher doesn't teach! I love my nursing class it is super fun!!!!!! I like most of them!!!!! Well that about for school i need to study!!!! Lol I got a test tomorrow which i am totally not ready for!!! That is all for now!!! I will write later to tell about how my uncle is leaving for a mission!!!!

One of my concerns!

Well i guess this is the way that i can journal and let my feelings out at the same time!!! I don't know who will be reading this and at this point I really don't care! Well my life has gotten a little out of hand! To say the least! Just to give you a little back ground info on myself! I am the oldest child of six! That a lot of kids these days! And on top of that about a year and a half ago my family decided it wanted to fall apart! My dad decided that he love another woman and that totally shook us all up! I hate that my life was semi normal to this chaotic mess!My dad has been married to the lady he mess around with for almost a year and my mom is also in the process of getting married! I love the guy my mom is marrying he is a real sweet heart! But he has 8 kids!!!! Holy Cow!!!! Now talk about more chaos!! I can handle it I always have! But have you ever felt like you are just another person in your house that no one really knows your there? Well that how it is for me! I spend all my effort and time into school and my family making sure that they are all okay! That it would be nice that someone would return the favor! You know what  I mean!! Not that I want to have all the attention heaven forbid but  since i am capable of being very self sufficient and do pretty good by myself doesn't mean that you can assume that i am OK! Cause honestly I am not! I would love to say that i am happy and that i am totally content with my life. But its not that way! I double guess everything i do and everything i believe! I know that bad!I do know that Satan is real and that he only wants to bring me down! And he is succeeding! I know Heavenly Father does love me and wants whats best for me! And I hope ( for my sake) that he is truly merciful for the things that i have done in my past! But as of today i want to be the person that my Heavenly Father wants me to be! I know this is just a bunch of rambling but that my thought process lately! And on top of not having it all together is the fact that i have to pretend to be all put together!Which about a hundred time harder to do than it sounds! But i know i have good friends that are always there for me and  I have a wonderful aunt that does truly care about me and wants to know how i feel and truly makes sure i am okay. I will truly be forever thankful for her! I love my mom so much that i couldn't burden her with my problems because she is already to preoccupied with everybody else and other things! That I really sometimes feel that she just happens to look past me! I know that awful but its the truth! And when she gets married its gonna get even worse because she is gonna have a lot more kids to worry about!!! I know that i am looking for attention in all the wrong places believe me! But like i said i am struggling and it seemed okay until i started thinking about it! So i got a lot of things to make up and fix in my life now! It will be super hard to do but i know i am strong enough to over come it all! I just need some faith and trust! and  a little bit of pixie dust never hurt!:) but seriously I have to overcome my fears and just do it! Well that's in the life of an oldest child! TTFN i will have to blog more happy subjects! But i am gonna go hang out with my friends! And maybe study for a huge test i have on monday which i am totally unprepared for! If i make it through this semester i will be amazed!